Love is a funny thing. It’s the one risk that we are all willing to take even though we know the dangers that can come of it. We fall and we fall hard and when there is no one there to catch you, you wonder why you even took the risk in the first place. But on the other hand, love is the one thing that glues us all together as humans. A life without love is a life without happiness.
Last night, I thought I felt my heart break. I thought I felt it shatter into a million pieces. I thought that since I lost someone that I loved so much, I lost a piece of my heart. But, I didn’t. Love is everywhere. We throw around the phrase “broken heart” too often. I know I do. And I know I did last night and even 10 minutes ago. And I’ll probably say it again in another 10 minutes. But I don’t have a broken heart. My life is filled with so much love that comes from so many different directions that it is impossible for my heart to break. Love doesn’t have to come from another person, love can radiate from any area of your life that makes you happy, like this blog post is for me right now. To me, writing is love. What I write doesn’t have a beating heart, it won’t tell me that I’m beautiful, and it can’t hold me the way another person can, but it does love me, and I love it too. It provides me with a peace of mind and a clear conscious that sometimes a person can’t even do.
My point is, don’t let yourself think that you have a broken heart. I’ve been through some pretty difficult times in life, but my heart was never broken. If you are still alive and breathing, your heart is not broken. Your heart belongs to you, not anybody else. It beats at the tempo of your emotions, it keeps your blood pumping through your veins. It give you the fuel you need to love and to be loved. And as long as you have a heart, you can have love. Is my heart aching right now? Absolutely. Writing this is even bringing tears to my eyes because I’m still trying to piece together what fell apart. But it’s OK. Life is a moving train and if you wait long enough to jump on, it’ll drive right by. It moves on whether want it to or not.
When I love, I love hard. I give so much of myself to other people, because I know amazing of a feeling it is when I get the same amount of love in return. And sometimes that comes around and bites me in the ass, and it sucks when I lose people in my life that once meant so much. But, in some twisted way, it always seems to work out in my favor. So, what’s next? I have a pit in my stomach that won’t go away, and I’m aching for something that isn’t there anymore. Well for one, I’m hopping on a plane in 20 days to a place that will provide me with love that I’ve never experienced before. A love for a foreign country, a love for the unknown and unexpected. I know I’ll fall in love with the country and I know I’ll fall in love with the people that I’ll meet. I’m leaving this small town and moving onto something greater that will change me forever. But also, I need to remember the other loves in my life. I need to remember what made me, me. What made the Beth that made someone fall in love with me in the first place? I certainly didn’t do it completely on my own and that’s what I need to think about. I need to remember why I fell in love with myself.
Break ups happen all the time, and they will happen all the time. You think that you might have met “The One” but things may change for whatever reason. Learn to let go. Learn to love yourself enough to let go and let life take its course. If it’s meant to be it will be. Do not force anything, do not let your heart be defined by someone else. Your heart belongs to you, and your mind controls your life. You choose when to fall in love, you choose the people that you want to welcome into your heart. It is a conscious decision. So, don’t hate the person that you feel “broke your heart.” Remember why you welcomed them into your heart in the first place. Remember how they shaped who you are. Don’t count the number of times you fought, and don’t attempt to try and read their mind. Don’t continually ask, “Why?” Ask what you can do to take this heart wrenching experience and turn it into something that will help you grow. This doesn’t have to just relate to a break up either. This can relate to anything in your life that you feel like you lost. Anything that has made you feel like a piece of your heart went missing. I talk about this all of the time in my blogs, and I really need to start listening to my own advice, because it’s one of the most important things you can do for yourself.
Don’t sit in bed and cry all day. Don’t beg him, don’t let constantly beat yourself up over it. Crying is totally fine, and maybe indulging in a couple scoops of ice cream won’t hurt either. But, eventually, you need to get out bed, get your ass in the shower, put the pint of Cherry Garcia flavored Ben and Jerry’s back in the freezer and continue on with your life. Like I said before, life is a moving train, jump on the goddamn thing, with or without them. Do I think that I lost him forever? My heart says no. My head says no. But I’m no fortune teller. What I do know is that he has changed my life forever, in a good way, in one of the most amazing ways possible, actually. He has encouraged me to hop on the moving train, and I can’t thank him enough for that. And maybe someday he’ll hop on with me again, but if not, at least I didn’t waste my life waiting for him to. Fighting for a relationship doesn’t always mean you have to be together. Sometimes fighting means going your own separate ways for a while and finding yourself, without the help of the other person. If you do find yourself, and it happens you both realized that you still want each other, then great. But if not, then that’s life.
Remember that life is a beautiful, precious gift, and it shouldn’t be wasted on letting someone else ruin your life, especially if that’s not what their intention was. Remember all of the other things in your life that fulfills the love that you need. Be happy and remember the best way of fighting for someone is showing them what they are missing. Show them the person that once made them so happy. And if things still don’t work out, at least you figured out how to be happy without them. And that’s all you need. Learn to be happy with yourself and the rest will fall into place. Find love in areas of your life that you didn’t notice before. Smile often, and smile big. Even if it’s not a genuine smile at first, just smile, because, eventually, I’m sure it will be. I promise. What’s mean to be will be, just don’t go chasing after it. Let the train of life keep moving, but remember you have the power to control where it goes.