10 Things 21 Year Olds Don’t Want To Hear

I’ve seen lists like this before but I figured I’d make my own because I think I’ve heard the following at least 5 times this week. Begin rant:

1. “Do you ever put your phone down? You’re obsessed with that thing.”
No, I don’t ever put my phone down. I’m too busy completing my photo-shoot for Simon at Muse Magazine in the Kim K game and responding to important text messages about the Bachelorette. My iPhone is a big part of my life. I feel lost without it, and I don’t care how shallow that sounds. So, yes I am obsessed with the “thing” that holds all of my overly edited sunset pics, embarrassing screenshots, and overall connection to the outside world. It’s Apple’s world and we’re just living in it.

2. “The dating culture of your generation is so messed up.”
You don’t think I know it’s f*cked up that many relationships start through snapchat or we consider a “good morning” text the end all be all in determining if a guy is dateable? I do know that, but it’s how it is. No need to remind me.

3. “Ugh you still drink that shit alcohol? Come on grow up you’re 21!”
I am fully aware that rubinoff tastes like shit. But I’m 21. I couldn’t care less about the quality of alcohol. If it’s affordable and does the job than that’s all that matters. If you want to buy me Grey Goose than be my guest, but I won’t value it over shit vodka. Alcohol is alcohol. Vodka will always taste like rubbing alcohol no matter what price tag you put on it. My money can be better spent on other things–like drunk pizza or something.

4. (Continuing with number 3) “You were wasted last night, doesn’t being legal make you want to control yourself a little more?”
No, no it doesn’t. Exact opposite actually.

5. “One more year til the real world!!”
The world is only real when I make it real.

6. “You’re so young! You have the rest of your life to meet your soulmate. You don’t know what real love is, don’t settle now.”
I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO BUY ME FOOD AND CALL ME PRETTY, OK?

7. “When I was your age…”
No. Just stop there. The economy also tanked when you were my age but you don’t see me judging you for that.

8. “Your generation is in for a rude awakening.”
Ohhhhhh so you’re a fortune teller now? Cool! So, could you also tell me how much my future husband is going to make?

9. “What are your plans for after you graduate?”
Idk? Fly to the moon? I have no idea what the future holds. I’d like to ship off to some foreign country and do all this crazy shit but odds are I’ll be stuck in an office cubicle all day wondering how my life got so remedial and boring.

10. “Whatever happened to face to face conversation? You kids and your texting. Jesus.”
I’m perfectly capable of having an intelligent conversation with another human being, I’m not brain dead. However, I can’t use emojis in everyday conversations, so iMessage it is.

We are 21. We drink too much, make stupid decisions, and don’t quite have it all figured out yet. We will spend way too much time on our iPhones; not because we are self absorbed and anti social, but because that’s how we feel connected. You tell us to save money, but then also complain when you see us drink cheap alcohol. We can simply never win. You were 21 once and turned out just fine, didn’t you? Leave us alone.

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